Up & Down

To understand the brevity of life and to take life seriously: Does the understanding only come when something devastating happens? Why is it ignored in the mundane details of the everyday? How can you teach someone, if they have never learned this reality? Why, oh why, do things happen the way they do?

For some, we need to just chill out and stop taking our tiny role so seriously. Honestly. We need to chill. Other times, there are the ones that have been chilling for far to long and they need to take something serious. Because this world is passing quickly. In an instant everything could be gone. We need to realize that.

We need to realize that we, ourselves, are not at the middle of the world. At the same time we need to realize we are responsible for our actions. Here I go again, it is as if I am trying to balance out the see-saw.

It is pretty amazing though, how each of us, we are not the same. I told the kids today, don't ever compare each other's problems. One thing may be hard for you and be easy-peasy for me. We all have our own pain and our hardship and our own joys and our own successes. Let's stop with the comparing and bear with each other in love. I may get excited about one thing, that does not mean everyone else is going to be excited. I am thankful for that too, because sometimes I don't want everyone to have the same interests as me. For example, when people say to me, "I can't even draw a stick figure," (I hear that at least once a month) I rejoice that we don't have the same strengths. I tell them imagine if we all had this same gift, what would be the point? I also tell them they definitely have a gift that I do not have and I rejoice over it.

I am going to stop asking "why?" I am instead going to continue on with what I know I can do and what God is telling me to do. Often times for me it feels like how am I going to make it? I sometimes marvel at people's lives and wonder, wow they are making it. This life is not easy. I am glad this life is short and that when it comes time for me to go home, it is for eternity.

little sweet things

So this morning I woke near sunrise, I had to force my body out of bed to the shower. When I exited the house I walked through a spider's web and sneezed all the way to the car. Apparently my allergies are acting up today. I arrived at the house two minutes early after listening to Ezekiel on my ipod. Wow, I need to learn more about Ezekiel.

I made the girls breakfast and we then had a small dance party where the girls were learning more dance moves like twirling and raising their hands in the air. I was having a lot of fun, because now they are copying my dance moves more than ever. Afterwards we played and then I knew it was time for a nap when one of the girls was laying down while coloring with her crayons. So funny! They put themselves to bed and I went up and covered them. I then did some research to find a potential beach spot for this afternoon. I was craving a peppermint mocha so much that I attempted at making my own right here where they happen to have all the correct ingredients. For a first time try, I'd say I did pretty well making myself a latte. I am enjoying it as I type.

So I decided to bake bread. Yes, bread from scratch. I wanted to use the whole wheat yeast. I had not made bread with yeast since el dia de los muertos in middle school.  I then had the tangled song going through my head. I have done so much already before noon. Don't worry I did start to learn a new song on the piano somewhere in there too. I should start to be more attracted to the idea of waking up early, but morning Clara needs the extra jolt to get herself out of bed, like a job.

On Tuesday the other girls I watch had me act out the Tangled song, and they kept saying, Wow! It looks like you are the one singing. It was so entertaining to act it out for them. They were giving me all the props at the right time. So here's a toast, holding my latte high in the air, to the little sweet things that make life enjoyable.

Give me that hope..

As I was praying today, it was as if I was flooded with amount of pain that is on this earth and especially pain in the people's lives that surround me. So as I started to pray simple requests for healing, I started to write down my thoughts which then turned into a song. "We all need healing; Don't be to proud to say."
And then I started to list out different types of pain, but then the chorus consisted of "Give me this hope." It is funny because at first I did not have hope, but I just kept singing it. Literally by the end of my singing the song, God replaced my pain and concern for others with this beautiful thing called: hope. It is a hope in my God and what He is doing and why He has placed me here. This holy exchange is so beautiful because it is something I can never earn, but something He loves to give to his children. I was even asking God to overwhelm me with the tangible presence of the Holy Spirit.... I know what a request; but oh how he answered swiftly. You know when you have pain in your heart or compassion for others and you can feel it in your chest or in your belly? Well, that is what I was feeling. But then after I asked God for his sweet hope, I felt light and peaceful. So I had to write about it.

So if you are feeling hopeless, know that there is hope. Don't just sit and ignore God. He knows your pain and He wants to go to that place with you. Not only will Jesus share in your sufferings but He will give you hope in exchange. So go ahead invite Him there to that place.

Tanned feet in the winter.

Puerto Rico, Aruba, Bonaire, Grenada, Dominica, and St. Thomas. I had not yet traveled to five of the six before.  Some of my favorite aspects of the different Islands were to see the children and to see the variety of homes that were there. I found the tiny details exciting. Bright purple porches, or bright orange-red roofs. In Dominica each child is required to wear a uniform, and each school has a different uniform. I loved seeing them. Almost every child I waved at would wave back happily. I remember vividly this one little boy sitting on a doorstop with the door open and his mother in the background, and he was just sitting with one knee higher than the other watching the chaos pass him by. I saw him and wished I had a camera handy to capture this perfect scene. Then I realized he saw me looking at him and I waved as we passed and he waved back with his inquisitive eyes. So sweet.

For me Dominica was a highlight because of my interaction with actual people living on the island. By the end, they offered a place for C & I to stay. Part of me tried to imagine what life would be like there.. For sure it would force me to live much more simply than now and I would only need summer clothing. Black sand is everywhere because of the volcanic nature of the island. The island is so beautiful but definitely the poorest of all the islands we stopped at. To me the lack of contemporary architecture and commercialization increased my liking for the place.

This is only a bit of what I saw and what I did, but apparently it was one of my favorite parts about my trip.

Sunapse is up!!

Today Sunapse opened! It is the first senior fine art thesis show of the semester at Montserrat College of Art, exhibiting work by myself and three others. I am so happy with how our show turned out! I am even more happy that we finished! Crazy!

I am thankful for my amazing helpers on Saturday. I could have not made my little nook happy and warm with out A, C, and H. Wow. I felt God's love through these amazing and selfless women. Wow. See I am still in awe. After my last blog about wanting to feel like God's only girl in the world, He really shows up and proves himself capable of doing just that. I feel adored by Him and I love it.

Today I was talking with my professor in my little nook in the gallery, he sat in the bowl chair which made me chuckle a bit. It was so great to hear his perspective on my paintings and my words. After he read my little journal-type words with eight of my pieces, he discovered the person I was talking to in most of the entries was Jesus. He said no other person would be able to handle all the words I was saying. He was saying no person could be so perfect and forgiving as Jesus is and that is how I can say anything to him. The way in which he summarizes my words, my thoughts, my prayers, and especially my paintings is always so beautiful and he always knows how to read what I am saying. It is amazing. After talking with both professors that I admire, I felt a lot of joy because of this huge accomplishment in finishing our show. So excellent! 

My God is a personal and active God. He knows me better than I know myself. He knows what I need and when I need it. I am thankful that I know Him. Whether I turn to the right or to the left I hear his voice telling me which way to go. I love Him so. Oh how I love him.

http://www.montserrat.edu/galleries/301/

Only girl in the World...

Yes I have the Rhianna song echoing in my head. I think her cry is more than her need for a man to make her his everything. It is almost the cry of all hearts wanting to be known and treasured. I love singing that song to God. He totally can make me feel like the only girl in the world.


I just took a quick introvert/extrovert test. Everytime I am "balanced." I am in the middle. I totally expected that though. I remember being in pysch class my senior year and always getting 50-50 and never strongly one thing over the other, including the extrovert/introvert test. It is so funny, because I hate labels or groupings. I think it comes from the make-up of my personality and how I really cannot fit in just one category. I mean come on, only God knows the full extent of who I am. I mean I am still learning.


(six hours later....)


Okay funny story... after writing the first two paragraphs I left for Navigate and I was singing Rhianna's song, see I told you it was stuck in my head. I turn on D's radio and click, click, click and bam the song is playing. I danced and sang my heart out as I chuckled internally. Then I turned off the radio because nothing could top it. I think I will have my dance students warm up to that song tomorrow (side note). I know God created me as an individual and when he made me he totally rejoiced over me. That is what that song makes me think. God is a lover, looking for someone like me to love him. I love him so. 


Two more days until the unfolding of my thesis show. Crazy, time moves very quickly. I better get more organized, but I know it will be great because I will not quit until it is great. God you are good to me. Make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world. :)

your joy is mine.

Wow, November! How did you get here? 

My entire backyard is currently a sea of yellow, orange and brown leaves. I love it! B taught me a game where you try and catch leaves as the season comes and goes. I have caught three. The spontaneous spurts of effort to catch a leaf in mid fall is hilarious. The first two leaves I caught, D was walking with me and we would be in the middle of a deep conversation and all of a sudden I am running away and struggling to catch the leaf's fall pattern. The most epic attempt at catching a leaf was this past saturday. The leaf I had caught previously seemed to be falling in slow motion, I had time to notice the white sky, and the river underneath me, then bam, I caught the leaf with out much effort. The next leaf I wasn't even expecting. My two friends and I walked away from the basketball court and they pointed out the leaf and enthusiastically encouraged me to catch it. If you know me, you know I love a challenge. I began sprinting and did a hurdle over a man made sand box and did a side flip, only to just miss the leaf. I didn't even have time for disappointment because of the intensity of it all. Yes, I need random excitements in my day to day life, and leaf catching is one of them. Oh yeah a big lesson I finally learned about this season while trying to catch leaves; is the essence of why we call this season "fall." The leaves are falling! I know what a revelation; it is like I always knew that it happened but now all of sudden I felt part of the season as I enjoyed the massive amount of leaves falling from the trees. 

I never thought I would write more than a paragraph just on the art of catching leaves, but I am enjoying nature that God intended for me to enjoy. Thank you God for allowing leaves to die, change color, and fall. I thank you that you will also fill the trees again with more leaves once spring comes back. 

The love I have for my nephew is so huge. I can't imagine the love I will have for my own children. It is like every time I spend time with him, I realize how amazing of a little man he is. He is full of life, curiosity, smiles and chuckles. When I start to make him chuckle, I will do whatever it is, over and over because he is just so stinking cute. He melts my heart. One of the most beautiful thing about this little boy is how he can tell the difference between real crying and fake crying. He has seen me cry on various occasions, especially as I share my heart with my sister. His massive eyes lock with mine. This time as he stares at me it is not with his laughing eyes or his curious eyes, but with his compassionate eyes. He is one of my most favorite people in this entire world and I can't wait to see him grow and grow because I love him so. 

It is amazing how after writing my thoughts that seem so tiny can really ignite the joy that is inside of me.    Even when it is hard I choose Jesus. Even when joy seems distant, I grab hold of it. Jesus is a living God and he walks with me today and everyday.