free to dream: October 2010

Monday, October 25, 2010

Love is the key.

My bed is now perpendicular to the wall rather than parallel. I guess now it really feels like a "bedroom" because the bed is in the center of the room. It feels more like home each day as I settle in, I mean it is only taking two months.

People love to be with people. It is the sweetest when people are actually loving people. Tonight I saw so many people experiencing the love of God through people loving each other. It is amazing to see people put aside their own issues, pains, ideas and whatever else, and choose to listen to another person. It is so beautiful when a person is allowed to fully express themselves to another person. To love the unlovely. To love the unthinkable. God is love. It wasn't until I met God that I discovered who love is. The funny thing is I am still finding out who love is. God is not anything that can be described with all my words I know. I can't put God in a box or a group or a category. I do know that God has set me free. Free to be me, Free to be the person He has made, Free to live and Free to love. Love is the key that opens hearts. Oh Lord, Will you open my heart more and more to the love you have for me and for people.

Father Can You Hear Me from The Diary of a Mad Black Woman made me cry with joy today. I love redemption. I love victory through Jesus. Jesus is the Lord. He is mine and I am His.

Monday Morning?

Technically, It is Monday. I have not yet slept though so I would like to pretend it is still Sunday. The Sunday Blues were starting to hit me tonight. The solution: run. R's statement about our decision to run encapsulates everything: a little bit of crazy from me and a little bit of crazy from you and we have crazy! The power of exercising can totally change your emotions from low to high; From that pain that sits inside you as you hold back tears to pain from laughing because we needed to be quiet since everyone else was sleeping.

I think I keep getting shocked with how time moves so quickly. Sometimes I feel behind the natural rhythm of time. I thank God for always providing for me what I need at each moment. You find you are hurt in one area but God replaces it with a new treasure. People are treasures. I keep meeting people and hearing the story that lies behind their facades and once again I am in awe of these treasures. Wow, I hope to find the uniquely beautiful parts in each person I meet. How do we end up where we are?

Making goals for certain timeframes seems to handicap me. For example, What do you want to accomplish in five years? My first response is: How do you know I will live for five years? My second response is a sick stomach. I am a person that needs to take one breath at a time. If I start to look too far ahead on the calendar and I will feel overwhelmed, trapped and sick. I have dreams. Dreams that are little and dreams that I don't want to tell the general public about. But the dreams are there in my head and in my journals. However, when a certain amount of time is defined and there is an expected outcome, uh-uh, no way, I don't want to be a part of "personal goals." It is confusing to me because I do really well under pressure but goals over a long time period make me cringe. So if you ask me what my goals are I might tell you a couple but internally there is a small battle going on.

There is always a battle. We all makes choices and it is always hard to make the right choice. I think I have to end on that note, as I make the choice to read my bible and go to dreamland.