Monday, December 20, 2010

Give me that hope..

As I was praying today, it was as if I was flooded with amount of pain that is on this earth and especially pain in the people's lives that surround me. So as I started to pray simple requests for healing, I started to write down my thoughts which then turned into a song. "We all need healing; Don't be to proud to say."
And then I started to list out different types of pain, but then the chorus consisted of "Give me this hope." It is funny because at first I did not have hope, but I just kept singing it. Literally by the end of my singing the song, God replaced my pain and concern for others with this beautiful thing called: hope. It is a hope in my God and what He is doing and why He has placed me here. This holy exchange is so beautiful because it is something I can never earn, but something He loves to give to his children. I was even asking God to overwhelm me with the tangible presence of the Holy Spirit.... I know what a request; but oh how he answered swiftly. You know when you have pain in your heart or compassion for others and you can feel it in your chest or in your belly? Well, that is what I was feeling. But then after I asked God for his sweet hope, I felt light and peaceful. So I had to write about it.

So if you are feeling hopeless, know that there is hope. Don't just sit and ignore God. He knows your pain and He wants to go to that place with you. Not only will Jesus share in your sufferings but He will give you hope in exchange. So go ahead invite Him there to that place.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Tanned feet in the winter.

Puerto Rico, Aruba, Bonaire, Grenada, Dominica, and St. Thomas. I had not yet traveled to five of the six before.  Some of my favorite aspects of the different Islands were to see the children and to see the variety of homes that were there. I found the tiny details exciting. Bright purple porches, or bright orange-red roofs. In Dominica each child is required to wear a uniform, and each school has a different uniform. I loved seeing them. Almost every child I waved at would wave back happily. I remember vividly this one little boy sitting on a doorstop with the door open and his mother in the background, and he was just sitting with one knee higher than the other watching the chaos pass him by. I saw him and wished I had a camera handy to capture this perfect scene. Then I realized he saw me looking at him and I waved as we passed and he waved back with his inquisitive eyes. So sweet.

For me Dominica was a highlight because of my interaction with actual people living on the island. By the end, they offered a place for C & I to stay. Part of me tried to imagine what life would be like there.. For sure it would force me to live much more simply than now and I would only need summer clothing. Black sand is everywhere because of the volcanic nature of the island. The island is so beautiful but definitely the poorest of all the islands we stopped at. To me the lack of contemporary architecture and commercialization increased my liking for the place.

This is only a bit of what I saw and what I did, but apparently it was one of my favorite parts about my trip.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Sunapse is up!!

Today Sunapse opened! It is the first senior fine art thesis show of the semester at Montserrat College of Art, exhibiting work by myself and three others. I am so happy with how our show turned out! I am even more happy that we finished! Crazy!

I am thankful for my amazing helpers on Saturday. I could have not made my little nook happy and warm with out A, C, and H. Wow. I felt God's love through these amazing and selfless women. Wow. See I am still in awe. After my last blog about wanting to feel like God's only girl in the world, He really shows up and proves himself capable of doing just that. I feel adored by Him and I love it.

Today I was talking with my professor in my little nook in the gallery, he sat in the bowl chair which made me chuckle a bit. It was so great to hear his perspective on my paintings and my words. After he read my little journal-type words with eight of my pieces, he discovered the person I was talking to in most of the entries was Jesus. He said no other person would be able to handle all the words I was saying. He was saying no person could be so perfect and forgiving as Jesus is and that is how I can say anything to him. The way in which he summarizes my words, my thoughts, my prayers, and especially my paintings is always so beautiful and he always knows how to read what I am saying. It is amazing. After talking with both professors that I admire, I felt a lot of joy because of this huge accomplishment in finishing our show. So excellent! 

My God is a personal and active God. He knows me better than I know myself. He knows what I need and when I need it. I am thankful that I know Him. Whether I turn to the right or to the left I hear his voice telling me which way to go. I love Him so. Oh how I love him.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Only girl in the World...

Yes I have the Rhianna song echoing in my head. I think her cry is more than her need for a man to make her his everything. It is almost the cry of all hearts wanting to be known and treasured. I love singing that song to God. He totally can make me feel like the only girl in the world.

I just took a quick introvert/extrovert test. Everytime I am "balanced." I am in the middle. I totally expected that though. I remember being in pysch class my senior year and always getting 50-50 and never strongly one thing over the other, including the extrovert/introvert test. It is so funny, because I hate labels or groupings. I think it comes from the make-up of my personality and how I really cannot fit in just one category. I mean come on, only God knows the full extent of who I am. I mean I am still learning.

(six hours later....)

Okay funny story... after writing the first two paragraphs I left for Navigate and I was singing Rhianna's song, see I told you it was stuck in my head. I turn on D's radio and click, click, click and bam the song is playing. I danced and sang my heart out as I chuckled internally. Then I turned off the radio because nothing could top it. I think I will have my dance students warm up to that song tomorrow (side note). I know God created me as an individual and when he made me he totally rejoiced over me. That is what that song makes me think. God is a lover, looking for someone like me to love him. I love him so. 

Two more days until the unfolding of my thesis show. Crazy, time moves very quickly. I better get more organized, but I know it will be great because I will not quit until it is great. God you are good to me. Make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world. :)

Thursday, November 4, 2010

your joy is mine.

Wow, November! How did you get here? 
My entire backyard is currently a sea of yellow, orange and brown leaves. I love it! B taught me a game where you try and catch leaves as the season comes and goes. I have caught three. The spontaneous spurts of effort to catch a leaf in mid fall is hilarious. The first two leaves I caught, D was walking with me and we would be in the middle of a deep conversation and all of a sudden I am running away and struggling to catch the leaf's fall pattern. The most epic attempt at catching a leaf was this past saturday. The leaf I had caught previously seemed to be falling in slow motion, I had time to notice the white sky, and the river underneath me, then bam, I caught the leaf with out much effort. The next leaf I wasn't even expecting. My two friends and I walked away from the basketball court and they pointed out the leaf and enthusiastically encouraged me to catch it. If you know me, you know I love a challenge. I began sprinting and did a hurdle over a man made sand box and did a side flip, only to just miss the leaf. I didn't even have time for disappointment because of the intensity of it all. Yes, I need random excitements in my day to day life, and leaf catching is one of them. Oh yeah a big lesson I finally learned about this season while trying to catch leaves; is the essence of why we call this season "fall." The leaves are falling! I know what a revelation; it is like I always knew that it happened but now all of sudden I felt part of the season as I enjoyed the massive amount of leaves falling from the trees. 

I never thought I would write more than a paragraph just on the art of catching leaves, but I am enjoying nature that God intended for me to enjoy. Thank you God for allowing leaves to die, change color, and fall. I thank you that you will also fill the trees again with more leaves once spring comes back. 

The love I have for my nephew is so huge. I can't imagine the love I will have for my own children. It is like every time I spend time with him, I realize how amazing of a little man he is. He is full of life, curiosity, smiles and chuckles. When I start to make him chuckle, I will do whatever it is, over and over because he is just so stinking cute. He melts my heart. One of the most beautiful thing about this little boy is how he can tell the difference between real crying and fake crying. He has seen me cry on various occasions, especially as I share my heart with my sister. His massive eyes lock with mine. This time as he stares at me it is not with his laughing eyes or his curious eyes, but with his compassionate eyes. He is one of my most favorite people in this entire world and I can't wait to see him grow and grow because I love him so. 

It is amazing how after writing my thoughts that seem so tiny can really ignite the joy that is inside of me.    Even when it is hard I choose Jesus. Even when joy seems distant, I grab hold of it. Jesus is a living God and he walks with me today and everyday. 

Monday, October 25, 2010

Love is the key.

My bed is now perpendicular to the wall rather than parallel. I guess now it really feels like a "bedroom" because the bed is in the center of the room. It feels more like home each day as I settle in, I mean it is only taking two months. 

People love to be with people. It is the sweetest when people are actually loving people. Tonight I saw so many people experiencing the love of God through people loving each other. It is amazing to see people put aside their own issues, pains, ideas and whatever else, and choose to listen to another person. It is so beautiful when a person is allowed to fully express themselves to another person. To love the unlovely. To love the unthinkable. God is love. It wasn't until I met God that I discovered who love is. The funny thing is I am still finding out who love is. God is not anything that can be described with all my words I know. I can't put God in a box or a group or a category. I do know that God has set me free. Free to be me, Free to be the person He has made, Free to live and Free to love. Love is the key that opens hearts. Oh Lord, Will you open my heart more and more to the love you have for me and for people. 

Father Can You Hear Me from The Diary of a Mad Black Woman made me cry with joy today. I love redemption. I love victory through Jesus. Jesus is the Lord. He is mine and I am His. 

Monday Morning?

Technically, It is Monday. I have not yet slept though so I would like to pretend it is still Sunday. The Sunday Blues were starting to hit me tonight. The solution: run. R's statement about our decision to run encapsulates everything: a little bit of crazy from me and a little bit of crazy from you and we have crazy! The power of exercising can totally change your emotions from low to high; From that pain that sits inside you as you hold back tears to pain from laughing because we needed to be quiet since everyone else was sleeping. 

I think I keep getting shocked with how time moves so quickly. Sometimes I feel behind the natural rhythm of time. I thank God for always providing for me what I need at each moment. You find you are hurt in one area but God replaces it with a new treasure. People are treasures. I keep meeting people and hearing the story that lies behind their facades and once again I am in awe of these treasures. Wow, I hope to find the uniquely beautiful parts in each person I meet. How do we end up where we are? 

Making goals for certain timeframes seems to handicap me. For example, What do you want to accomplish in five years? My first response is: How do you know I will live for five years? My second response is a sick stomach. I am a person that needs to take one breath at a time. If I start to look too far ahead on the calendar and I will feel overwhelmed, trapped and sick. I have dreams. Dreams that are little and dreams that I don't want to tell the general public about. But the dreams are there in my head and in my journals. However, when a certain amount of time is defined and there is an expected outcome, uh-uh, no way, I don't want to be a part of "personal goals." It is confusing to me because I do really well under pressure but goals over a long time period make me cringe. So if you ask me what my goals are I might tell you a couple but internally there is a small battle going on.

There is always a battle. We all makes choices and it is always hard to make the right choice. I think I have to end on that note, as I make the choice to read my bible and go to dreamland.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

fall 2009 artwork and commissioned piece

elephant n' hippo. commissioned piece, oil painting

portrait of model. oil painting

Jaron and I. oil painting

porter sunset. watercolor and pastel

three girls. watercolor and india ink

new creation. watercolor and india ink

lost time. watercolor and india ink

dancing in the trees. watercolor and india ink

blindfolded. watercolor, india ink and pen

blindfolded (close-up)

a day of painting

waiting 1... watercolor and gouache

I will rise. watercolor and gouache

Waiting 2 watercolor and gouache

surrounded. watercolor