Sunday, January 15, 2012

Jesus is my hope

This morning I sat on a mini-igloo. I let out a couple yelps, which is not unexpected to my roommates. As I peeled myself out of my layers to go to church, R discovers that the heat is not working. Let me just say, we were basically camping. Wow. I stood at church with my massive down jacket, as if I were wearing my own comforter to church.

 The Holy Spirit is the best teacher one can have. I have seen time after time when He has brought clarity in my mind, this includes the complexity of the bible. "Where there is no hope for the future, there is no power for the present." I still recall the night as I layed in my bed and said to R, "I have hope."Let me clarify why this statement is as powerful as it is. I would like to preface this by saying, I do know I have a lot in this world in comparison, but I do also acknowledge my personal daily struggles.

I received a strong word from the Lord, to stay put. As I wrote these two words in my journal, you would have thought I was wrestling with the pen. My face even crinkled up and my eyebrows furrowed. However, I did have the strength and faith to write it. As days passed and as I held on to obedience, I found this deep peace that was beyond my own understanding. I wanted to go explore the world, be in a new location, especially as a single person. I wanted to experience more cultures than just my own. I am a great traveler, over the past five years I have been unpacking and packing my overnight bags weekly.  I am good at it. Of course, many times I have craved consistency. For example, I had 4 toothbrushes, one at each location: Dorm, sister's apartment, parents' house, and work. Yes, this is for real, at least I have clean teeth ;). Basically I reflect on these moments because I did not want to stay put at all. I especially did not want to stay put because of a sour relationship that seems to push on a lot of my buttons including my anger button.

The transition from being a full-time student for the past 17.5 years, to this "real life" is big. All of a sudden it hits you, loans come knocking at the door and not having a constant syllabus to fuel my schedule no longer exists. I keep saying, "no one warns us!" However, people most definitely warned me, I just never understood until I stood in this gap of not knowing anything, literally, not knowing anything that was in front of me. It is overwhelming, but also exciting, but also scary. Some mornings I wake up saying, "God, I am scared." The unknown is scary. I remember someone saying, the future is scary because we forget Jesus will be with us in the future. Be present, because Jesus is in my presence.

Hope, it really does start consciously. "But hope that is seen is not hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has?" (Hebrews 8.24) I am needy and I am glad I am needy because God is near to me in my time of need. I remember the time I decided I was going to be faithful to God no matter what, as I sat next to my sister, we wrote on a piece of paper our vow to faithful to our heavenly father and that was a huge turning point in my walk with Jesus. The most ironic part of my tiny decision to be faithful to God is that He has shown me in immeasurable ways how faithful He truly is. Rather than being a wounded dog, I will stand up again in my "garment of salvation" and my "robe of righteousness," I will say Jesus is my hope and he allows my faith to grow even when injustice beats at my door. It is better to hope than sit in complacency. I rather put all my hope in Jesus than anything else. I do know He is the only faithful and true one.

 11 Then I saw heaven opened, and behold, a white horse! The one sitting on it is called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he judges and makes war. 12His eyes are like a flame of fire, and on his head are many diadems, and he has a name written that no one knows but himself. 13 He is clothed in a robe dipped in blood, and the name by which he is called is The Word of God. 14 And the armies of heaven, arrayed in fine linen, white and pure, were following him on white horses. 15 From his mouth comes a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations, and he will rule them with a rod of iron. He will tread the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God the Almighty. 16 On his robe and on his thigh he has a name written, King of kings and Lord of lords. Revelation 19.11-16


  1. you wrote a blog post!! beautiful!

    AMEN. (and I'm glad God is having you stay put ;)